I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
