I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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