I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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