Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
