just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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