i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
