Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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