Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
