did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
