In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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