cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
