I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
