My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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