What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
