After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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