Kiss
Puke
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
