Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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