Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
