I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my liver is dry heaving
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
