god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
