I heard we made out
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
