I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
