I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
