it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
