Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
