I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
