She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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