last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
