forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
