i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
