At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Alive.
So much puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
