I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
