Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You made out with two different species that night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
