It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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