Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
