Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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