You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
