May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
