I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
