come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
