Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
