last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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