You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
