Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
