fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
