Your tits are I can't wait for
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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