Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
