oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She announced her abortion via fbk
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
