I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
