Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
