How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
